


Betray/Forgive - Two Part Short Story

by 84Reesdy



Category: Alaskan Bush People
Genre: Bam brown, Celebrities, F/M, Reality TV, abp, alaskan bush people - Freeform, joshua bam bam brown - Freeform, joshua brown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 04:02:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13755894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/84Reesdy/pseuds/84Reesdy
Summary: Chance encounters can have long-lasting effects. How can two people make sense of it all?Featuring: Joshua Bam Bam Brown/ OCWarnings: Sensitive topics (infidelity, unprotected sex, mentions of abortion)





	1. Betray

Sipping coffee in the tiny cafe, she appeared calm and collected, possibly even slightly bored. But inside couldn’t be further from the truth. Her stomach still tingled, her limbs almost feeling electrified as the previous night’s events replayed in her mind like a film reel.

She’d just met him the previous morning. He’d pursued her through the small gathering of gift shops as she aimlessly wandered through them. She’d noticed him in every one of them as well. Every time she looked his direction, he appeared to be deeply entranced in whatever item was within his closest reach as if she wouldn’t know he’d been following her.

It was when he picked up a box of tampons and was reading the back that she finally had to snicker to herself and plucked up the courage to confront him. His look carried many of her triggers: his long hair that delicately curled past his shoulders. His closely shaved beard. His expression was stern at rest, his muscles weren’t insistent, but the closer she got, the more she noticed them.

He’d introduced himself as Bam. He’d shown a half-cocked grin when she’d called him out.

“Got a heavy flow?” She’d been bold to make such a joke to a man, but if he was truly interested, he’d suck up his pride for a moment and let her have this one. And he did.

She watched as a waitress refilled her rapidly cooling, dwindling coffee. She stirred it mindlessly, watching a typhoon form in the liquid as fresh steam rose from it. The heat from the steam on her face awoke the steamy memories from the night before. How his hands hand touched her, how they moved along her, how they seemed to know her every curve as if he’d touched her 1000 times.

The covers had been a tangled mess that eventually were tossed to the floor as the sweat from their bodies echoed the passion they both felt coursing through them. No amount of air conditioning could cool their flame as he’d rocked her world until she was a quivering mess, unable to even speak the word, “no”. But she didn’t need to, she hadn’t wanted to. She wanted it all. Everything he gave her.

She shivered in her seat, though she doubted it looked suspect, fall had set in in Colorado. Every time the shrill bell at the front signalled the opening of the door, a gust of cool air would swoop in, ruffling napkins and patrons alike.

After they’d met, he seemed reticent to let her out of his site as if she were an apparition that was sure to disappear the moment he turned away.

“I’m not a leprechaun,” She’d teased, “I’m not going to disappear if you turned away.”

“I don’t want to take any chances,” He’d said.

His presence had been overwhelming. Just him standing next to her. His chiseled arms within a close reach, his hard chest. She couldn’t help but admire the way he filled out the back of his jeans as well. Her perversions had also wondered how the front of them filled out as well within a couple of hours after meeting him. For this she scolded herself, but did not stop wondering.

By lunch he’d convinced her to take a hike with him, through a small, private trail he knew outside of town. He brought a bag and in it, a picnic. She’d been impressed, it was not often a man was as planned out or thoughtful. His hand had brushed hers early on the trail and by the first bend, their fingers had linked. It wasn’t long before they were completely lost from view of anyone before he’d asked to kiss her.

She’d resisted at first, but when his knuckles had brushed her cheek, she’d shuddered a yes. His passion was also overwhelming. It consumed her like a dense fog. He didn’t shy away from expressing his awe either, his praises stoked her desire into a roaring blaze. She barely had the sense of mind to not jump in his lap right there in the woods.

She shifted in the booth, trying to keep herself from feeling a slow burn encompass her loins as she sipped more coffee and picked sparingly at the bagel in front of her. It was difficult to keep from squirming much though as more images flashed across her mental visions. They’d talked, laughed through the lunch that Bam had laid out of his pack. She’d thanked him with another kiss. The kiss turned into more. Much more than she anticipated. Her modesty may have begged her to stop, but it’s tiny voice was overshadowed by the booming tone of impulsivity that was commanding her to let his hand slide up the leg of her shorts.

Seated in the vinyl booth it wasn’t the door opening that made her shiver, but the words his gravely voice rumbled as his fingers found their target.

“Girl…you’re soaked…dripping…Let me take care of you..” It was a request, not a demand and it was why she didn’t protest.

“I didn’t know kissing you would get me…get me…so worked up…” She admitted blushing and shuddering a little as his soft fingers wiggled against her.

He’d been gentle and thorough. He stayed fully clothed, not paying a bit of mind to his own needs as her shorts and panties had ended up in a ball on the ground. She could barely tear her eyes away from the vision of his head buried between her thighs, greedily devouring her. One release after the next, he grinned against her with each one, garnishing pride from how quickly and easily he triggered each orgasm. She begged after the fourth. She begged for him to fuck her as she writhed under his touch.

She’d couldn’t deny even now, her surprise when he declined, especially because his pants were barely able to contain his arousal. His jeans strained as if his zipper would fail. She remembered the feeling that coursed through her, closing her legs and blushing, suddenly ashamed of how loose she sounded begging a near stranger inside her. He’d pulled her to him, though, convincing her that was not the case. He wanted to, but wanted to at least wait until that evening. He wanted to spend the rest of the day with her, to discipline himself. He’d intended to make her wait as well, but when he’d felt how much he affected her, he couldn’t help but want to make her feel good.

She’d told him she didn’t expect anything from him. She’d snuck out of his room as he slumbered, clearly exhausted from their activities. It was not quiet dawn, even in the long summer days, so she avoided calling it the walk of shame as she quietly entered her own room at the lodge. She collapsed on her own bed, trying to drift off, but still smelling him on her kept her awake for those few moments as she tried to shake the vision of his hard body hovering over her.

The thought now almost made her spill her coffee as she realized the cup was teetering in her fingers. She tightened her grip, watching the quiet roads out of the window in the distance. He’d said his family would be there today and he was meeting them first thing at the bus terminal.

She almost laughed to herself as she thought about the dinner they shared; well, not just dinner, but the catching of it as well. She’d fished plenty before, but she was not prepared for the way these river fish fought their impending doom. Bam had laughed, his arm snaking around her waist to help keep her upright as her pole had lurched forward. She couldn’t help but laugh as well, trying to keep her pole under control as the fish zigged and zagged below the surface of the water. As it got closer to the boat, they’d both ended up on their backsides as the fish jumped in the boat, the force from them both pulling sending them off of their feet.

He’d cleaned and cooked the catch in his tiny kitchenette, he’d served it simply, but she couldn’t remember a time when fish had tasted so good. Even now as she thought back, she realized she’d never asked exactly what kind of fish she’d actually caught. She didn’t ask him much actually. She didn’t know what his life was like now and at the moment she didn’t want to really know. She wasn’t in a place to be in a relationship, not now.

He’d been pretty sparing with details as well, though he filled the time talking of growing up in Alaska. Adventures from when he was young, stories of his family all 9 of them including himself. He seemed unable to fathom the idea that she was one of a small family of 4 growing up. He’d frowned when she mentioned that they were only 3 now. He told her he was sorry her father had passed away, but that he was glad he’d fathered such a beautiful lady for him to spend time with.

It wasn’t long after that moment before she felt his hands on her again. It was almost a relief, the moments between his touches felt like eons of time that drained her soul. But, oh, when he’d touch her, it was like the world had awoken from a deep slumber. Bird’s sang, rivers ran, stars exploded in the sky.

She had to cross her legs now in the booth as she thought of the way they’d traded removing clothing from one to the other. Even in the dim light, the lines of his body were stunning. She felt unworthy of touching him at first, but he gently convinced her that she was worthy, more than worthy. His skin was warm. She’d decided that even if he was lacking in manhood, that she would still enjoy herself. He was attentive and reciprocal.

She kind of shook her head, grinning as she brought the coffee to her lips once more as she relived the embarrassment of her reaction that once he’d stood, letting her remove his pants, her mouth had dropped open in amazement at his sheer size. Thick and heavy it hung down, to large to stand on it’s own without assistance. His chuckle had snapped her back to reality.

“Will that work for you, sweetheart?” He’d said, petting her hair. Her eyes still wide she’d met his gaze. She’d run her hand up his thigh, he hadn’t stopped her. She remembered the feel, the weight of it in her hand, the way he sucked in a breath as she gripped it, as her tongue had darted across the tip, as she’d slid it between her lips. She was sure that now, she still could faintly taste him on her tongue from sheer memory.

The waitress bringing her the check snapped her back to reality a bit; she handed over some cash, declining change. She didn’t even really know what she handed her. The bill was $3.50. She could have given her a $20, she probably did the way to waitress was smiling. Oh well, after such an amazing nocturnal encounter she couldn’t help but feel generous.

Suddenly in her mind, she could hear his grunts, his moans as he’d entered her. As he’d filled her beyond anything she’d had before, he’d cursed, watching himself sink into her folds. She could see that he wanted to start quickly, savagely. His hands had gripped her hips tightly trying to calm himself. She’d not made it easy, moaning like a minx, running her hands over her body in a carnal show of arousal.

He’d been worshipful, his praises helping along her stimulation. He flowed seamlessly from one position to the next, each time hitting a different pleasure center in her. He was adventurous and mindful. He tried things, repeating them when she gave a positive reaction; pulling her hair, smacking her ass. Covering her mouth seemed to really get her going as did whispering dirty things into her ear. Once even it was just his words that sent her over as her sex spasmed around his manhood that was laying claim to her.

She felt silly now, not insisting he use a condom. But in the heat of the moment, she didn’t dare to interrupt the flow of the desire between them. Even now she couldn’t say she minded though. He’d been such a magnificent beast of a lover, she’d been all too happy to hand over the reigns, letting him satisfy his own needs. The sheer thought of how much more intense he got as his orgasm was looming had sent her over the edge too, her womanhood swallowing up every last seed that he seemed to endlessly release in her.

He’d panted praises of her after, not making a single suggestion or motion for her to leave. She’d slept for a short time even, but found herself awakened at 3 A.M. nervous to wait until morning to wake up next time. So she made her exit.

She finally stood from the booth, relieved to not see a damp spot on the cushion after her mind replaying yesterday’s events. She grabbed the to-go coffee cup she’d been given and quickly made her way out of the door, hoping to not let in much of a draft. She stood on the porch, letting her body adjust to the temperature change as she gazed down at the bus station again. She saw a fairly large group of people in the distance, un-boarding what looked to be a private bus. She wondered if it was his family. She didn’t have to wonder long as she saw him approach them, hugging a couple of young girls and an older woman. His sisters and his mother, she was sure. She didn’t make a motion to go to him. She wasn’t really sure where the stood and it would be all to presumptuous to just approach them.

The next person though made her heart sink. A dark haired woman with a big, white smile approached him quickly, familiarly. She threw her arms around him and he held her closely, spinning her a little. Her face pulled back slightly and as she dreaded it, kissed Bam. Through all of this, it was his smile that hurt the most. The way he held her closely, lovingly.

He’d used her. She’d had suspicions at his lack of current details that he’d offered up. Yesterday, she’d told herself it didn’t matter, she had no long term plans, so what was one fun day going to hurt. But it did. She hated to admit it to herself, but the nausea that crept in kept her from denying it. The family started walking up the road from the dock, in her direction but were still at a good distance. As the mystery woman laid her head on Bam’s shoulder and his arm was around her, she knew that she was merely a pawn to entertain himself with.

He looked up almost surprised to see her at a distance, standing on the porch. A lump built in his own throat as he saw her quickly look away and skitter down the steps and away from them. He hadn’t meant to let it go as far as it did. He’d just felt a pull to her, a desire to know who she was. He couldn’t explain it any more than he couldn’t fight it. He watched her walk away. He couldn’t do anything else.

She packed her bags swiftly, teary eyed. She would shorten her stay here and head up into the mountains early, touring the area she was only here for a couple of days. She had a rustic cabin reserved and would just camp if it wasn’t available. She had all the supplies she needed and now she had a reason to go. She loaded her pack, tightening it down in her borrowed jeep, hoping to escape town without another encounter. As she finished cinching the last bungee cord. She looked up at the front of the motel only to see his family arriving.

They made eye contact fleetingly before she climbed into the driver’s seat. She didn’t look longer than a moment or she might have seen the sorrow in his eyes, the want to come near her, the desire to fall at her feet. But she didn’t give him a chance to wordlessly explain as she fired up the engine and drove away. Let him have his well manicured wife, his loving family, and his perfect world. She wound through the highways that wrapped themselves around the mountains as she climbed to a higher and higher altitude.

“ I don’t need him. No matter how much I want him, I won’t let myself need him.” She lied to herself.


	2. Forgive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The consequences of their one night together become all too real

She’d doubted that he’d find her out in the cavernous hills of the Rockies. She’d stayed put for 3 weeks. Surviving on only what whe’d brought or what she could forage. It was the reason she’d come to this place. She had another week to go and initially was feeling wonderful. She’d willed herself passed the feeling of being used and discarded. She’d thought a time or two to descend back into the valley, into the town and confront him and tell this woman what exactly her significant other had been up to, but she’d decided against it.

She wondered if she knew. If they had some sort of agreement and she already knew about her. What if he told her what they did and laughed about her technique or…or something. She didn’t want to face further humiliation so she let it go. She let it go. She tried to let him go.

It was difficult to fathom, but the hardest thing was shaking memories of him. She couldn’t figure it, they’d spent less than a full 24 hours in each other’s company yet she still felt as if she missed him.

“How can I miss someone I don’t even know…” She surmised aloud to the crackling fire in front of her. It did not provided an answer other than to slowly turn another log to ash. She threw a stick into the flame, frustrated.

“Lexi….you fool…” she said watching the flames choreograph their own moonlit dance.

Near the ending of the third week, she was wondering if she could even finish the next week she’d had planned; for a few days now she’d been periodically down. She worried she’d contracted some bug, some parasite or had eaten a misidentified leaf. But she would then suddenly feel better. The inconsistency baffled her, however throwing up every morning was beginning to take it’s toll.

As she decided to call the trip early, she had a dreaded thought. She paused in the middle of rolling her sleeping bag. No she thought, No, no, no, no, no!

“I…how could I have been so stupid!” She yelled at herself, her only audience was the cold, stony faces of rock that surrounded her, only echoing her frustrations.

Back in civilization, at her new place that she’d settled only weeks before taking off on her trip, she stared at the pregnancy test and it’s two glaringly blue lines. And there it was, another plus. She flung it into the sink basin, where it clacked against the other dozen or so tests she’d taken throughout the day. All of them. Every.last.one. Was positive.

She slunk to the floor. What was she going to do. Here she was, alone in a new city, a new state. She didn’t have the mentality to be a mother right now. This was not anything like what she was expecting. The move to Denver had been about new beginnings that were her choice, HER decisions. She was for once in life putting herself first. She was in no position to take care of a baby. Tears flowed from her eyes but she knew she was getting rid of it. Termination was her only option right now. The thought tore at her soul; it wasn’t that she didn’t want kids. She did. But she wanted them to be with someone she loved and respected and reciprocated those feelings. Not someone who used her for sexual amusement in the absence of his full time lover.

She had a short window and the cost, thanks to the bureaucracy, was astronomical. She gripped the pamphlet in her hand as the doctor gave her a rundown of options. She could pay for it, but then be strapped for months while she hoped no other emergencies occurred and would have to work overtime just to make ends meet…maybe. The doctor was very kind, and gently suggested that often the cost is supplemented by the other party. The other party. In order to do this she’d have to find him and ask for the money. Ask. The thought was ridiculous. He was just as responsible yet here she’d have to beg him to help her.

It was that or adoption. She made a deal with herself that she’d face him, she’d ask, but if he refused, she’d suffer through the pregnancy alone and give it up for adoption. She hoped it would stop there. She didn’t want him to have it. The thought of him using her as a baby machine turned her stomach even more than the turkey sandwich she’d just regurgitated. She shook the image of Bam and that woman cooing over a baby that she’d made, coveting it.

“Stop it….stop thinking like that. He’ll want this gone. He’ll want to move on from his mistake and make it go away,” She pep talked herself, “Just like I do…”

But there was something inside her, a small voice in her head that didn’t agree. A small voice energized each day as her endless nights of dreams concluded each morning. Dreams of Bam, remorseful and humbled, begging her forgiveness but insistent that his feelings were genuine. Each dream, each night seemed to rub a bigger and bigger ache in her heart. She tried to write it off as hormonal, knowing the dreams felt to real to be entirely fiction.

“Maybe he’s having the dreams too,” her subconscious reasoned, “Maybe he’s trying to reach you the only way he can.”

She shrugged off the thoughts as she finally boarded the train bound for Cortez. He’d said they lived nearby, maybe she’d run into him again as easily as she had the first time. Though she was sure this time he wouldn’t follow at such a distance; he’d either approach her immediately or possibly run for the hills.

She tried to let the visually stunning images she passed distract her mind from the task at hand, enjoying the low cost and better views that train travelling afforded her.

It did little to vacate her thoughts. Every grove of evergreens reminded her of their picnic in the woods. How he’d tenderly catered to her, refusing reciprocation. She scolded herself as she realized she was grinning at the memory.

“Perv…” She mumbled, trying to write him off.

When she arrived in the town, it was quiet. She didn’t expect much in the middle of the week, the busy tourist season already past. The streets had just a handful of people. The wind had just the slightest cool to it, but the overhead sun kept the day from being unpleasant.

She felt a little foolish now. Her plan ended here. She had no idea how to find him, she wasn’t even sure she could find a phone book and if they were even listed at that. She surely doubted it. She wandered the streets for a couple of hours, window shopping at all the places she’d seen this past summer. She felt a sense of guilt and longing as she passed a baby boutique, quickly leaving.

She sighed as she reached the end of the downtown area, the trailhead of the hike they took was dead ahead past the parking lot. She turned the other way, unable to think of the moments again. And there he was.

Walking up the street with a coffee in his hand. He was alone, he looked almost sullen. Her extremities went numb. His hair was down, long and flowing, even with sunglasses on she could see his perma-scowl, the one she’d lightly teased him about.

As she willed herself to move, she was stricken with fight or flight, her toes itching to carry her away from the impending confrontation. But her heels felt like lead weights. Somehow her feet moved, she was almost surprised to realize they were carrying her towards him. After only a few steps, she stopped as he looked up. His scowl disappeared as his face went blank. He turned almost paler than normal.

“You…” He almost mumbled, taking a few more steps towards her, “You…You’re here…” It was then she noticed his face almost looked relieved. Relieved? Surely she was reading him wrong.

“Yes, I am. I have something I need to talk to you about. It’s important.” She tried to make it sound business-like, but he stared at her as if she were heaven-sent. And he kept moving slowly to her.

THe slowness gave way to a sudden movement as she felt his body press to hers. His arms were around her and she felt his rough, bearded cheek against her ear as he embraced her. She was so shocked by this that her arms hung limply at her sides.

“I was hoping you would come back. I was. I needed to tell you so much, I needed to explain.” He murmured into her ear. She tried to maintain her strong front, nudging out of his embrace.

“I need to tell you something, too. I need to say mine first.” She tried to remain as businesslike as possible, “I’m…Bam, I’m pregnant.” The words left her, but she felt like a 3rd person in her own body as they came from her mouth.

His body went slack as the words sunk in. He stuttered out, “P-Pregnant? Wow….really? Pregnant?” She had expected anger, worry, indifference, but awestruck? She wasn’t prepared for his lack of indignance. His hand slid backwards over his hair, repeating the word to himself as if it would make it more real.

“Yes. Pregnant. I came to you….well…because I need $500 to…to get rid of it. For an abortion.” The words were harsh from her own admission. She cringed internally. But she needed to be blunt, as devoid of emotion as possible if she wanted to make it out of this with any scrap of dignity.

“It’s $1000…since it’s half yours, I think it’s only fair you pay half.” She reasoned as if she were asking to split the cost of dinner.

“Get rid of it? You…you’re getting an abortion?” The sadness on his face surprised her as well.

“I don’t want to raise a bastard child of an adulterer.” She wanted him to get upset, she didn’t want it to be amicable. She wanted a reason to hate him. She needed a reason to hate him.

“Hey…don’t.” He sounded as if he warning her, “It’s not what it seems like. And….really, you’re pregnant?”

She was tiring of his surprise and his lack of panic. She’d hoped this would throw him for a loop, rock his world, upend all of his plans like it was about to do for her. 

“Are you going to give me the money or not.” She didn’t need to know about his life, she didn’t want explanations or details. She wanted $500.

“Can we please, go somewhere? Talk about this?” He sounded pleading now, “ I’ve …I’ve been looking for you…for weeks. Please.”

“Is that code? Looking for another easy lay? Gonna cash in your chips and ask me to blow you?” She put up a facade with her crudeness, not wanting him to trigger her bleeding heart.

“Stop.” He said it with a demanding tone, taking a step towards her. He softened slightly as if begging for her to soften for only a moment, “You weren’t that to me. You were more than that. Things are complicated. Please let me explain.”

She huffed in aggravation. She rolled her eyes and looked off to the side, anything to emit a feeling of annoyance. But she couldn’t deny him. As much as she hated herself for it, she just could not bring herself to reject him completely.

“Fine.”

He took her a different way from the trail, walking along a road abandoned years ago that led into the forest. The cracks in the worn pavement housed sprung plants and creeping vines sprawled as nature was taking back the path. The road looked as broken and worn as she felt. She listened quietly as he explained that the girl she’d seen with him, his wife, had cheated on him, continuously.

He’d wanted a family and she’d agreed to try. It never happened and after medical intervention, it was discovered that it wouldn’t happen. She couldn’t bear him children. He’d been broken hearted over that fact, but remained committed to her.

She however felt that with not having to worry herself with pregnancies, she was free to sexually gratify herself with any man she came across it seemed. Each time she’d apologize, and wail her undying love and manipulate him into staying. Each man had a different excuse for why. Each one broke him a little more inside.

He told her he’d stopped caring about being true to her; his love for her was broken and he’d told her so that last day when she’d arrived. When Lexi had fled to the hills. Her name was Amanda and she did not respond well. She spent days refusing to leave, even at his insistence.

“It was very confusing,” he said, “ For her to be so committed to remaining with me, but refusing to hold herself accountable for any of it.

“You helped me make that decision, you know.” He looked at her, a small smile on his lips. She did not smile back, she did not want him to know, to believe that he brought her any joy. Her mind flashed an image of joy he’d brought her as she writhed on the picnic blanket, his words praising her taste.

She shook it from her memory, angry that she’d let that surface.

“I helped you? Apparently I am just all sorts of help.” She tried to be snide, but it came off more sad and dejected.

“You did. Even when things were good. At their best. Even when we met. I never felt…I never felt what I should have. I thought she was love, I thought she was what I wanted. But I was really, really wrong.

“When I saw you…I realized any other woman in my life had been a mistake. I’ve been looking for you to tell you that.” He was shaking a little. He hid his trembling fingers in his pockets.

“You expect me to believe that you realized you loved me that fast.” She scoffed again, immediately regretting it when she saw the pained expression cross his face and the lump in his throat he swallowed.

“I don’t expect you to believe me, or forgive me…but I had to tell you.” He looked defeated, his shoulders slumped, “You mean…you really didn’t feel it too?” He looked a little hopeful but like he was preparing for those hopes to be dashed. “I thought…I thought maybe you’d been having the dreams too…”

She shivered. The dreams. The same dreams?

“Dreams?” She couldn’t help herself, she had to know.

“Yes. Every night, you’re in them. I beg you to forgive me every night. Sometimes you forgive me…sometimes not,” he swallows again, “ But I see you in them so vividly, it’s like you were real. Even though my heart broke half the time, I still got to see you every night.”

She tried to steady her rapid breathing. The same dreams, they’d had the same dreams. She hated the nights she’d dreamt she’d forgiven him, because her heart ache in the morning was that much worse.

“Are you going to give me the money?” She asked again, but her voice wavered as she asked, not nearly as strong and unmoving as she’d wanted it to be.

He took his sunglasses off, replacing them with his wire-rimmed frames. His eyes, he was much more human now that she could see them.

“She’s gone. She’s out of my life. I know…I know I fucked up. But please…give me a chance not to lose you, too.”

“Lose me? Bam we weren’t even together. There wasn’t an us to lose.” She sounded as if she were trying to convince herself just as much as him.

“Maybe,” he continued as if he didn’t believe she was convinced either, “ Maybe that little baby…that life inside of you is the universe’s way of telling us that this is worth trying.”

“That sounds far-fetched.” She hugged her arms around her, as if the motion would protect her from feeling any more emotions. Her eyes looked away, unable to look into his deep blue eyes and not yearn for him.

“Maybe. Maybe it is. But…you consume me, Lexi. I can’t ignore that. I dreamed of us. I dreamed of a baby, a child. We were so happy.” He reached for her, his fingers grazing her skin.

She felt a hot tear escape her eyes as she remembered the same dream. Laid out again on a picnic blanket, but this time with a toddler. He laid on his side, she laid with her head resting on his stomach as the child toddled towards them, wobbly and unsure, but smiling and happy. Bam retold the dream as if he’d been inside her own head.

“You know. You had it too, didn’t you?” He reached for her hand, taking it in his. Her non-response answered his question.

“I was so mad at you, Bam.” She sniffled as she fought back a sob, “I felt so much for you. I knew it was foolish….after one day. But then I saw you and her….you have no idea…how shitty that made me feel.”

He looked pained again, but nodded, letting her finish. His thumb rubbed the top of her hand the entire time.

“And then getting pregnant on top of all of that. My life has been a mess since I met you. And all I want is for that to stop.” a few more tears flowed down her cheeks.

“Let me help. Let me make it right, let me try, please.” He boldly reached up to her cheek with his thumb, wiping a tear track away. When she didn’t reject him, he slowly sank to his knees.

“I will do anything, anything if you’ll just give me a chance. GIves us a chance,” He took a big breath, letting a shaky one back out. He lifted his hand and placed it on her stomach, “Give this baby a chance.”

Suddenly she couldn’t remember her plans. The careful plan she’d figured for herself. It all blurred away. All she could see now was him, in front of her, begging for her love. She felt his hand against her belly, his touch igniting a realization inside her. She realized what she’d been fighting all this time. All the words of hatred she’d spewed was a lie, it was just her trying to convince herself of what she knew was true. She’d fallen in love with a man she’d known for 20 hours. Running was easy when she thought she couldn’t have him. But now here he was offering himself, risking humility and she couldn’t find one single iota of her being that wanted to run.

“You are crazy.” She bit her lip, overwhelmed, “What if…what if it doesn’t work.”

He looked down at the dirt for a moment, collecting himself before returning his gaze to her.

“Then we tried. And as for the baby. No matter what I will always be there for it. I’ll support you any way I can….even if we aren’t together.”

 

She knew a lot of guys said things like that, but not all of them followed through. But something about the sincerity in his voice, the mistiness in his eyes stifled her worry.

They walked out of the woods, back into the town a few minutes later, this time hand in hand. She felt emotionally raw. He gently spoke when he did speak to her, but mostly was silent, not wanting to push her too much. He watched as she placed her own hand on her stomach as they walked, rubbing it.

She realized she hadn’t done that at all since she’d found out she was pregnant. She never contemplated actually keeping it, having it, raising it. Even though her heart was a jumble, she had a feeling deep inside of her that surmised that indeed, everything would be alright. Maybe he will care for her like he said. Maybe they will make a beautiful little family. Maybe this is the universe crashing them together for the sake of both of them. Maybe the universe was right after all.


End file.
